AP English Literature Exam Reading Day Seven: "Ignorancy"

Essays are a lot like dates--sometimes the bad ones are better than the mediocre ones, because at least after the bad ones you have a funny story to tell your friends.

That said, I hope I never find myself on a date with anyone this stupid. (I am actually considering establishing a writing requirement.)

"Ah, the one with the books. I really haven't read a good decent number of these books. But 'Pride and Prejudice' is one of my favorite movies."

"'Juno' is a heartwarming film with the Academy Award for best screenplay by Diablo Cody." (I'm still not sure what this has to do with 'Pygmalion.')

"Now I've just derailed my train of thought."

"People trust their tatoo artists too much." (Okay...)

"All people do not come from the same environment; everyone has different characteristics." (TRUTH.)

"In the world there are several different kinds of people." (So I think we should label them for easy reference.)

"Darcy is a good catch by any standard."

"Frankenstein good, monster bad."

"She is modest and very gentile."

"Him not knowing who is truly was was used to do things in the exchange of nothing else more than confusion."

And that seems like as good a place as any to be done...for another year.

AP English Literature Exam Reading Days Five & Six: "Increadible"

Yesterday, in my haste to put as much distance as possible between myself and the worst writing in the world at the end of the day, I accidentally left my list of abominations (I mean 'insights') to share on the table. So today you get a double dose--enjoy it while you can! Only one more day of reading left!

"The play in which I feel is most beneficial to the question is that of the novel 'Frankenstein.'"

"Mr. Collins is everything Prince Charming is not."

"Mr. Gatsby lives in a neighboring egg."

"Love concurs all."

"I think 'Hamlet' would not have been as good if Hamlet just mowed down Claudius with a couple of uzis in the beginning of the second act."

"The meaning of a work is sometimes more subtle unless it is brought to light by something else."

"Dr. Frankenstein is really the one who started it."

"'Oedipus Rex' by Sophocles is a dramatic irony."

"Because Jocasta defied the prophet and disrespected the gods she was bound to have karma boomerang back at her."

"Shakespeare's 'Hamlet' is a novel that offers characters of foil."

"Have a delicious day!"

"Life in the concentration camp was not a walk in the park."

"It caused Hamlet to go crazy and over-kill Claudius."

"Mr. Darcy is immediately hated for his failure to jump on any girls at the ball."

"A being that was not in a womb of a woman has more feelings than a being that was in a womb."

"Hello...my name is Inago Montoya, you killed my father prepare to die."

"Good people can still have the wrong idea."

"She wears revealing oprah dresses." (This one took me a second...what is Oprah doing in an essay on 'Age of Innocence'? That would be "opera.")

"Blanche is a pedophiliac sexual entity."

"God was at that time a man."

"She was only like 15."

"It takes one to know one."

"I will write this essay using the book 'No Country For Old Men,' which my English teacher says is a book of literary merit."

"He has various moments where his IQ drops below 40 and makes you want to slap him." (I can certainly sympathize.)

AP English Literature Exam Reading Day Four: "Radicalistic"

"No high-paying job or girl can replace one's innocence."

"Behind every man there is a sidekick, the guy you can count on to only cause you more trouble and in the end make your life harder. But this is irrelvant because in Don Quixote the sidekick is 10x cooler anyway. Seriously, he's so cool."

"Jane does not seem to find Mr. Collins's flaws when he arrives at their house despite his rat-like personality."

"Over the years, monsters have gotten a bad reputation."

"At the end of the story, Beowulf is fixing to die."

"The relationship between these characters becomes the focal point and illuminates the meaning of the work!" (Exclamation point!)

"'The Awakening,' by Emily Bronte..."

"Hamlet is intelligent to the point that he can act insane with little problem." (I can do that, too!)

"Times grew more stressful for Lear as he battled with insanity."

"Their relationship was one of sarcastic values."

AP English Literature Exam Reading Day Three: "Disencouragement"

In eight hours today I read 173 essays. Just so you could enjoy these:

"Most women dream of guys on the monotonous track."

"Adam only drinks one time in the novel and the day after completely regrets doing so even though he seemed to be much happier when he was drinking." (Funny how that works.)

"Jim is steadfast and wise but not the quickest wolf in the pack."

"When evil is used correctly, it can be just as beneficial as good can." (I kind of feel like this might be some sort of Bush administration talking point gone horribly wrong.)

"Women should only be around in small doses for entertainment purposes." (I wonder if this kid will be entertained by the small dose of a score I gave that essay.)

"The main character in Hamlet is Hamlet."

"Laertes got involved and disencouraged Ophelia to like Hamlet."

"Sophie was married to a weaker and less built man. So Sophie was more in control of him because he knew he would get hurt if he messed up."

"'The Color Purple' has a 'girl power' theme." (Whodathunk Alice Walker was just another Spice Girl?)

"Gatsby's neighbor always would spy on Gatsby and would be all up in his business."

"She is just like hi nothing else."

"Ah, Don Quixote the great of all knights and his squire Sancho." (Ahhhhh.)

"To borrow a phrase from Tim Leary, should we all just 'turn on, tune in, and drop out'?" (I kind of wish I could...particularly since this was the last line in an essay about MACBETH.)

"Iago is a backstabber and a weasel."

"At this point I'm just wondering what is he thinking." (Me, too.)

"Hannah Peace had sex with men after her husband died just to be pleased."

"Lesbianism was said to have been popular because each woman could relate to each other on the issue of feeling unloved and unwanted." (I only have a certificate in Women's Studies, but I'm pretty sure that's not how it works.)

"The novel was written during a very talked about period of time."

"No time! Be nice!"

AP English Literature Exam Reading Day Two: "Foilification"

More from Louisville (thankfully, the bourbon capitol of the world):

"To be a foil, or not to be a foil, that is the question." (Is it? Is it really?)

"Cannot remember the author. Mary Shelley? Maybe. Mary Shelley!!! :)"

"The protagonist of a novel is the center of the story for a reason." (One hopes.)

"He's cowardly, untrustworthy, and likes shooting random crap with a slingshot."

"He is not the brightest gem in the bucket."

"She apparently is leading the life of her dreams, has a rich husband, three healthy kids, and no issues whatsoever."

"The clash of personalities between Hamlet and Laertes represents the classical feud between the jocks and the nerds. Although it was written in a time period when neither jocks nor nerds existed."

"It was a time when being African-American was embarassing."

"May I go to the restroom?" (I kid you not.)

I need a drink.

AP English Literature Exam Reading Day One: "Foilization"

Note: I have been cross-posting these notes on facebook, so if you're an avid facebooker, I apologize for the repetition.

Some of you know that for the third year in a row I am participating in the AP English Literature exam reading. This year the reading is being held in Louisville, Kentucky, and thousands of English teachers and professors from around the country have gathered to read almost a million essays AP English Literature students wrote for their exams this year. For eight hours a day for the next seven days we will gather in a freezing cold conference center to read and score some of the most abysmal writing by the (supposedly) best literature students in the country.

The highlight, of course, is the stupid, ridiculous, and hilarious gems of literary insight culled from these essays. Back by popular demand from last year, I offer these gems to you for your reading pleasure (since mine will be so very minimal for the next week or so).

I am grading question number three, in which students are permitted to use any novel to answer the prompt. This year, the prompt requires them to identify "foils"--minor characters who serve to enhance, establish, or emphasize traits of a major character. Needless to say, "foil" has already caused some serious foibles. Aluminum. Tin. "Foilization". And, of course, much "foiling."

Today was only a half day of reading, but here's the best of what I have for you so far:

"In Shakespeare's well-known novel, 'Othello'..." (Almost a Ph.D. in English and I have never read a single Shakespeare NOVEL. Imagine that--and they're so well-known!)

"Dr. Frankenstein is cold, unloving, disloyal, and enlightened."

"And it was all simply by being honest, but evil."

"Kate then seems like an awful jerk and it's no wonder no one wants to marry her."

"The relationship between Jack and Ralph would mostly be a hate one."

"You need characters in novels to get the meaning of books." (Aha.)

"Claire illuminates the meaning of 'Farenheit 451' because she is the embodiment of the meaning of 'Farenheit 451'." (RIGHT.)

"In 'The Iceman Cometh' the classic use of foil is exemplified." (I can only assume this is the covering of leftovers, but I could be wrong.)

"It's difficult to find one thing more likely to ruin a relationship than the accusation of murder." (Seriously.)

"Adele was also popular with other ladies, perhaps because she was so fond of the expected lifetyle of the wives, which will be referred to as wifestyle."

And this last may be the strangest thing I have ever read in an AP test booklet (which is really saying something, especially considering that I have found money, pornographic drawings, grocery lists, and football plays in them before):

"Within ourselves sleep many guilts. Many doubts, many fears, many lies. Looking in we view past their snorting, snarling heads and catch only the tips of their horns in the flowerbed of ourselves. But reflected in others, a cold chilly breeze to wake us, we suddenly turn ourselves to shield our own perspectives; and deny."

Perhaps the strangest part about it--it was the last paragraph in an otherwise very average essay about 'Death of a Salesman.'

More tomorrow from Louisville. In the meantime, work on your "wifestyle."

Consolatory Reading.

Some recent blog reading inspires me to ask a question of you, Dear Readers: what are five examples of texts you turn to when seeking consolation? (Like, perhaps, when you are suffering from sleep depravation, looming deadlines, and a malfunctioning coffee pot on a muggy Wednesday morning in May?)

They need not be consolatory in any kind of typical way--just the things you turn to as you would to an old friend, for something familiar and comforting.

I have been thinking of my own, and this is what I have come up with so far:

1. Four Quartets, T.S. Eliot (yeah, yeah--shut up, Eng Sem'ers)
2. Saturday, Ian McEwan
3. Howards End, E.M. Forster
4. Winesburg, Ohio, Sherwood Anderson
5. A Room of One's Own, Virginia Woolf

(My goodness, that's a white, elitist list, isn't it?)

Post your answers in the comments so we can all have them at the ready when we need some comfort.